Villanelle

I never used to find always, just always found nevers,
but sometimes now I find sometimes,
and all this time I've dreamt my endeavors.

Though I've meticulously pushed buttons and violently pulled levers,
these dreams of mine are by no means mine
since I never found always, but-- always found nevers.

And I shamelessly praised myself for so long as being so clever
that I thought to parallel, when I should have perpendiculated, my lines
and unfortunately it forced me to wake up before I dreamt up my endeavors

And the imbalance of too few pursuits against (all) too many "whatevers"
is as sneerable as mal pane e vino, stale bread and sour wine,
a peculiar reminder that I've never seen always, just always've seen nevers.

And have Thomas Hobbes and Johnny Cash all too often maundered?
Is life "nasty, brutish, and short" enough to've "hung my head" and sighed?
I suppose, since I've never realized but only dreamt my endeavors.

And I still sometimes consider Hobbes and Cash and shudder
at the intricacies of pessimistic possibilities I hope I won't deify,
remembering that I never used to find always, but always found nevers
and that I've wasted my life and my time pursuing my endeavors.